Time OUT

As the evening nears, I can look out of my third floor window and picture the sun beginning to settle onto its horizon behind the new growth on the oak and poplar trees near to my apartment. A ladybug craws across my windowsill; a Blue Jay caws.

The last week and a half have been rather crazy, and, yes, more so than usual. As a result, I assume, I've developed this intolerable virus that has me sounding like a drunken motorboat while making my head feel as if it were being ransacked, from the inside, by a team of bludgeon bearing terrorists. I feel dreadful, true.

All of a sudden I can't be going a bajillion miles an hour, yes that's an exact estimate, and need to take it easy for a few days - literally, I feel sort of dead inside; I'm not going to lie. But it's a good thing, I've suddenly realized how busy I am; not to boast or seem conceited or anything, I mean we are blogging after all, but truly - there's busy, there's crazy busy, and then there's "oh, my god I'm going to the doctor's because I'm sick" busy; and yes, I'm at the third stage.

By the end of this semester I'll already have completed 47 credits towards graduating from Stony Brook; it's my second semester (19 credits last semester, 6 over winter break, and 22 this semester). Burn out, anyone ??

We thrive in a society of overachieving, of goal setting, of meeting that goal, forgetting about it, and pushing forward. "The faster I meet this goal, I can get on to the next, and the next, and the next." Or is it really: "The faster I get my bachelors, I can get my masters, and then a six figure job and then work my entire young adult life until I reach 45, be a millionaire, sort out a few random love triangles I got involved in, move to the South of France and and spend the remaining 25 years sipping expensive red wine alone with my Swiss-Bank-Safe-Cash until I expire at 70"???

By no means, please don't think me bitter. Practical, realistic, yes! Bitter, no. Well, maybe no.

Yes, I'm feeling burnt out; my body agreeing with me apparently. I had this sordid impress of university being a place to flourish and grow and achieve. But I find myself, once again, attempting to acquiesce to the minutia of academia; achieving "the grade" for "the man" - thank you Prof. Baldwin.....

But when is it my time to achieve? As a creative person, I find it suffocating that I rarely have enough time to jot down a few notes as I am here; let alone write a short story or that novel I've outlined a hundred times in my head, finish scoring the quartet I started or begin writing the musical I so desire to write. I have so many ideas that I know I could be successful at.

When is it my time? Or does that sound selfish? Conceited?

When I came to Stony Brook I was so intent on double majoring in Business and Music; a practical major combined with a stupid, useless one. Stupid, useless? Well, two semesters in to my college "career", as I guess we call it, and I'm dropping the practical major, sticking with the useless major and trying to graduate a year early. (Did I hear someone say overachiever?)

Anyway, I'm ranting......even when you're sick and can't make it to class the work goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on....

*took this picture over spring break on a day trip to Cape Cod