Academy Awards

I am watching the awards right now. I know it's all bullshit but I can't help but wanting one. I wish I had balls enough to pursue my acting career, but I don't. I think this is so because I get really shy sometimes for no good reason. Then other times I could get all in your face and not give a damn. I don't understand myself yet but when I do, I will know if I am an actress, playwright or a teacher. i hope I learn that soon. I think Sandra Bullock (or whatever her last name is) is awesome. She so beautiful. I love watching the beautiful women getting dolled up. It gives me inspiration for my creativity. So many beautiful people, but do they live well. Do they really love each other like they act on TV? Is Jennifer Lopez really friends with Maggie Gellenghal (or whatever her last name is) because they seemed pretty friendly sitting next to each other? I really don't trust actors. They are act like something they are not. How could you trust someone like that? I know I can't do it. I am all about being yourself and honestly I want to explore the mistrustful side of me with acting. How many different people can I be? I want to be able to have a great role perfect for my type of personality so that I could show people what acting really is. I believe in my head that I am the greatest actress in the world and all I need to do is walk down the street of NYC and get discovered. That would be great but it hasn't happened yet.

I like to daydream the reason why this is so is because God does not want me to change. She knows that I am an awesome person and would probably become as empty as Lindsay Lohan if given money and fame. I know, I know, life is not about these stupid things, but every time I see these award shows I feel like if that should be me up there. I think I am better than these people in their own games. I know that it's probably not true, but it might as well be true. LOL Geez here I am rambling again.....lol