Super Secret Mind Contol Device

Sequestered deep underground, armed guards stationed invisibly on the parameter, a group of performative scientists work feverishly for their Lord and Master, the Mad Scientist Phillipus Baldwinmanius. What is Professor B's latest plot to conquer the earth and enslave all mankind? Could it be? No! A mind control device! 'Zounds, whatever can we do? We are helpless against the Professor's mental prowess as it is, but with this spidery device augmenting his alpha, beta and gamma rays, he is well nigh unstoppable! Oh, that we weren't so quick to turn on Mercury, our city's hero and defender! If only he could get it up and wasn't sexually frustrated! He was the only one who could have saved us, and now he too is a villain!